THE SAUDI CHRONICLES

 WEEK 6 of 104

It's 28th November 2008 and as I sit here writing the first of what I hope will become a regular upload to the website the temperature outside is knocking 94. The lads have gone off to the beach but I am afraid it is just to hot for me. So why on earth have I taken a job in a country where 'cold' means anything below 80? Well to be honest, I DON'T KNOW !! It was a moment of madness....a dream....seemed like a good idea at the time...Dawn made me do it, thats it, I'll blame the wifey. So here I am sat in my airconditioned villa six weeks into my two years writing about the experience.

First I guess you will want to know who the characters of this chronicle will be, the stars of the show, so to speak. Well there's Saudi Chris and Saudi Al who are newbies like me and Saudi Tommy, Saudi Paul, and of course, the Saudi Bear who have been here forever.

The first two weeks here were a combination of induction and relaxing / getting to know our new surroundings and enjoying the sun. We went to the gym, swam in the pool, went 10 pin bowling, sorted our internet connections, went to the local Malls and ate far to much. These first two weeks were like an all inclusive holiday.

Then reality kicked in. On the 31st October we were presented with our Base passes and told to report for work the next day.

The facilities we ( Al, Bear, Tommy, Paul & Me ) work at are all brand new, airconed, carpeted hangar floor, etc etc, unluckily for Chris he is on the old part of the base and works in an old rusty WW2 nissen hut lit by a lone candle which the lads take in turns to renew and an A4 piece of card on a stick they use to waft the air with. We have some more induction and are sent our respective ways to begin the main purpose of our visit......work. Shocking I know, but as with most things there is always a down side. We have been at work now for 4 weeks and are getting to know our way round and our new collegues, except for Chris, who isn't, because he can't see to find his way round in the dark since some wally took the candle home at the weekend and forgot to return it, he'd like to have a word but he does't know who to blame. Not much to write about the 'W' word really. Work is work wherever you are, even if it's 200 degrees outside.

But the trip to work is another matter. The inhabitants of this fair and sunny country love it so much they can't help but keep looking all around and reminding themselves just how lucky they are to live here, they look at the grass, they look at the trees, they look at each other, they admire the sky, the local buildings, the odd plane in the air, the billboards, in fact they look everywhere in awe and admiration. Everywhere that is except where the hell they're going! I would like to compare their driving to something really bad but I am at a loss for good comparison. I suppose if you put 100 3 year olds behind the wheel of their own car / 4x4 and let them drive down a 4 lane highway with no instruction or help, that may go some way towards building the picture required. But we run the gauntlet twice a day 5 days a week. We shouldn't just be on overseas allowance, we should be on danger money.

The internet / telephone service is another amazingly unpredictable service over here. The total bandwidth of broadband for the country, we are convinced, is the same as one standard home insallation in the U.K. The phone system has an auto function which is permanently set at 'Random Service' and how does it know when you need to make an important call so it can go on the blink? Amazing but true.

The Saudi lads on the shopfloor are mustard, they are polite, patient and kind. One of my fellow inspectors even invited me to share lunch with him and his friends. I suspect it was just a rouse to squeeze some driving lessons out of me, but I could be wrong.

Don't get me started on mosquittos. Bloody things love RH positive, it must be like a fine wine to them, and guess what, they're all alcoholics. They just can't get enough, I reckon they put word round that a new donor is walking the compound and lay in wait. Bloody clever these alki mozzies.

Well, enough madness for today. If I don't stop this will never get loaded. As I close this episode the temp has risen to 400 degrees.

So, bye for now.

Saudi Steve